Friday, October 24, 2008

Ways in Which My Husband Makes it Impossible to Compete

Let's get this out of the way in the beginning. Poooooor B.

Okay, now let's make fun of his misery. Ready?

A couple of days ago B was ironing a shirt for a meeting after work. He had a small stepladder in his closet from our wallpaper removal (things are still in a holding pattern as I take forever to pick colors). I guess he had to remove the ladder from his closet in order to get the ironing board out, so he laid it next to his closet door. I didn't see the ladder until later that night when I was getting ready for bed, so when I saw it, I said to myself, "Huh, I wonder what that's doing there? Note to self-- do not bang into it in the middle of the night."

I was all set when I woke up later that night. A few minutes later, B was not. Crash! Expletive, expletive, expletive! Somewhere in all of that I mumbled, "I knew you would do that." Which of course did not make my husband happy and prompted him to ask, "Well if you knew it was there, why didn't you move it?" I told him it was late and I didn't know what it was doing there in the first place and I just reminded myself not to hit it in the middle of the night. Well it turns out, B has a bloody gash on his toe, which he has now broken for the second time in a year. I blame the fact that he has finger toes. He is still blaming other things.

Fast forward to last night. The three of us took a little fall walk around the neighborhood to check out Halloween lights and such. We're merrily walking down the sidewalk. B is having an idyllic moment looking at his cute family (in the dark, mind you) when all of a sudden-- Crash! Ahhh!!!

"Oh my God, I just got hit by a cactus."

There is one house that has a large cactus growing in their backyard. It's pretty tall so it spills over their fence. And since B is so tall and he wasn't watching where he was going, he took a cactus to the forehead. Double ouch.

Now has anyone had the thought that cactus have prickly things on them? Well, of course, they all embedded themselves in B's forehead. When we got home he asked for the scotch tape. His solution to removing the stickers was to stick tape on his forehead ala Biore Pore Cleanser style and rip them out. Wondering how well that worked? Not so well.

So then he had to do it the old fashioned way by taking a pair of tweezers and plucking each one out individually. I offered assistance, but since they were really hard to see, I hurt him anytime I touched his head.

I sent my husband to work with a helmet and a mask today. Lord knows what trouble he could get into with sharp instruments!

Once again, Poooor B. But seriously, the kid's gotta watch where he's going!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Would SP Think My Kid is "Elite" Because He Pretends to Be a Consultant?

I know, I know, my fans have been left waiting and wondering when next I would appear.

Nothing's wrong! All is well, in fact. I've just cut back on computer time and haven't really felt like posting when I am on the computer. Keeping all of you interested in our mundane life is real work and sometimes a girl just needs a break.

We have a few favorite words to share. Actually and after all. Some examples:

"Actually we don't need to eat our dinner, we can just have ice cream."
"Actually, I am not ready for a nap. I think I will stay up a little longer."
"Actually, we are going to go to the park and then go to the store."
"Actually you are going to eat soup and I am going to have something else."

"I like playing the drums...after all."
"The juice is good without water...after all."
"The skeletons are scary...after all."
The ghost-es are on the street...after all."

J has also become his own consultant. When he wants to discuss something in his head, he picks up his imaginary cell phone, puts it to his ear, and talks about stuff. The other day he did this the entire time he was eating his lunch at school that his teacher thought that his ear hurt. Some consulting he has conducted sounds like this, "Should we eat the macaroni and cheese? I think so. It looks good. I see lots of noodles in there. Oh, well I guess we will eat it. Okay, bye." Also heard while playing the drums, "This is a base drum. Okay? Okay. This is a gogo bell. You bang it like this. Okay? Okay. Let's try it together. One, two three. That's good, but you have to practice. Like this. Keep practicing. Okay, bye."

Getting ready for a Halloween party this weekend. My costume is not even close to ready. I've also been busy helping to coordinate a neighborhood shindig at our park for the little trick or treaters. In fact, as soon as J wakes up from his nap, we're off to inform the masses about it.

Oh! And some of you will love this while it will make others moan-- we went to a little rally at a nearby park. It was mainly for local candidates, but they had Obama stickers and signs as well. J walked right up to the sticker lady and said, "Mama for Obama. Can I have a sticker?"

Good boy.

I'll try not to keep y'all waiting so long for such valuable information next time!